Communication Confusion
by brumal
Summary: How is it possible to annoy your readers? Bad plot, OOC characters, and random Japanese words. Of course, if you take all that and mix it all together, you get THIS. A lovely cracked up parody. And what's a parody without a pairing? [OOC, Crack!SasuNaru]


**Beta-read by Nadramon. French and German translations provided by Nadramon.**

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It was a fine morning today. The sun was out, its rays gently warming whichever surface it touched. The leaves of the many trees in Konoha had their faces turned to their source of life and little insects were crawling over the gnarled twigs. The birds flitted from branch to branch to seek the bugs which clung stubbornly to the twigs which held leaves turned to the sun, which was shining down warmly on the Earth.

Gravel crunched happily as someone stepped on the dirt road.

What a beautiful morning.

Naruto stopped in his tracks.

No, that wasn't quite right, he thought to himself. Something was off, but he couldn't place his finger on it…

The morning… was _too_ perfect.

He raised an eyebrow and shrugged off the ominous feeling, proceeding to Konoha. It was probably nothing.

"Hark!" an exclamation.

Naruto furrowed his brows. That was an oddly familiar voice… He turned around and saw none other than Rock Lee running towards him. He paused. Did Lee just yell out, "Hark"?

Lee skidded to a stop in front of the blond boy, raising a large cloud of dust. "'Tis my friend, Naruto! How does goes your day on this fine morning?"

For a few moments Naruto waved his hand around his face to get rid of the dry debris flying into his eyes and nose. "Great," he replied once the dust settled.

"Very well! You do not seem so very energetic today, my friend! What ill befalls you?" he asked with a concerned tone.

"Err…" Naruto hesitated. Lee was speaking strangely. "Nothing… Are you feeling okay, Fuzzy Brows?"

He flashed Naruto a blinding grin. "Never better, my dearest friend! I shall be so full of energy that I may run laps around our wonderous village a few hundred times today! Won't you join me on this exciting task?"

He declined. "No, thank you…"

"Alas! What ill fate I have! Egads! Look!" Lee suddenly exclaimed, gazing at a particular direction.

"Whither?" the blond was taken aback by what he just said. "Whither?" Who says _that_ anymore? He shook his head slightly.

"Over yonder! It is Gai, my most excellent mentor! He shall feel very energetic today! Well then, my friend, I bid you farewell!" he waved at Naruto and leapt off.

The blue-eyed boy stood there for a moment to wonder about Lee's strange speech pattern. It was bad enough on a regular day, but today… It was just bizarre!

Again, he shook his head and brushed it off. It _was_ Lee that he was worrying over… Lee had always been a bit… out there. He turned around and continued his early morning stroll.

Deeply he inhaled the fresh air, his eyes momentarily closed. He wouldn't let something as trifling as that ruin his perfectly good morning. Suddenly he found himself jostled as he bumped into another person.

"_Perdón, señor…_(Excuse me, sir…)" a female voice apologized.

Blue eyes snapped open. What language was _that_?

Equally blue eyes looked back at him.

"Oh! It's just you Naruto! _¡Buenos día!_ (Good morning!)" Ino greeted cordially. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Erm... Hi... Ino..." he said hesitantly. What did Ino just say?

She smiled brightly at him. A large bouquet of flowers was in her arms. "Sorry for bumping into you like that, I didn't mean to." She adjusted them in her arms.

"Oh, it's okay…" he replied.

"Well, I need to deliver these, so if you'll just excuse me! _¡Hasta luego! _(See you later!)" She waved at him and skipped off, looking very happy. And a bit smug, but Naruto didn't notice that.

He stared at her back incredulously. His mouth hung open as he tried to process what she just said. He couldn't. Obviously it was because he didn't understand the language.

People were acting _strangely_ today! The _perfect_ morning! His face seemed to be set in a perpetual expression of confusion. He stumbled on and hoped that nothing stranger than what he just encountered would happen. Everyone seemed to be speaking in foreign tongues today.

A familiar mop of pink hair bobbled in a large group of people. Surely Sakura would be able to explain the weird things happening… She appeared be to stepping out of the group anyways. He was sure that she wouldn't mind him asking her a few questions.

Naruto walked toward the crowd and waited for her by the outskirts of the group. When he saw her push her way out of the group, he walked briskly towards her.

"Sakura!" he greeted a bit frantically. He waved her over.

She saw him and smiled sweetly at him. Then she noticed his concerned expression. "Oh! Naruto_qu'est-ce qui t'arrive_?(… what's the matter?)" she asked with raised eyebrows and arms full of… something. It looked like a wrapped box.

He balked. "You… what?" he stared at her.

"I asked you what is the matter, blockhead," she rolled her eyes playfully and began to walk slowly in a certain direction. He caught up with her.

"Erm…" he dawdled a bit on asking her. His feet dragged into the dirt as he walked next to her.

"_Arrête ça_ (Stop that.) You're kicking up dirt," she said disapprovingly, looking down at her own shoes to see if any dusty material had caught on.

He completely stopped walking and looked at her peculiarly.

Sakura looked genuinely concerned now. "Naruto?"

"I—uh, need to… do something. See you later, Sakura!" he bolted away. He didn't even hear her bid him a good day.

After running a bit, he finally slowed down to a brisk walk. That certainly was unnerving. Even Sakura was acting strangely. It reached the point where Naruto was feeling a bit paranoid. If they suddenly started speaking differently, did that mean they would act differently as well?

He saw Kakashi milling around a bookstore with his face covered with the latest edition of "Make-Out Paradise" and decided to see if he could solve his problem.

"Kakashi, sir!" he called out to catch his attention.

The silver-haired man looked up from his book and saw Naruto walking quickly towards him.

"Oh, it's just you Naruto. You _sheinst heute seltsam_(… look strange today). Is something bothering you, _mein Schüler?_ (… my student?)" he asked curiously with his book lowered.

Naruto's mouth snapped closed very quickly. "R-Repeat that again, sir?"

Kakshi's right eyebrow rose. "I just said that you looked peculiar today and if there was something bothering you… You look a bit pale. _Brauchst du Tsunade zu sehen?_ (Do you need to see Tsunade?)"

The only part that Naruto understood was the "Tsunade" part of Kakashi's German. He couldn't decipher what the rest meant.

"I—" he turned around slowly. It wasn't like him to be running away so much, but now it was just reaching an extremely uncomfortable point. "—need to go!"

He ran away from Kakashi and left the man staring after him blankly.

After a few seconds, Kakashi resumed his reading.

He ran blindly around the village. This was scaring him. He couldn't understand why everyone was talking so strangely. Was this all an illusion? He now cursed himself for not being a good illusion user. He probably couldn't release it even if he tried…

Again, he clenched his eyes shut.

And again he crashed into someone.

"_Gomenasai_! (Sorry!)" a frightened voice exclaimed.

He stumbled a few steps back and blinked. Widened, pale eyes gazed back at him. She blinked a few times at Naruto.

"_Naruto-kun! Ohayoo gozaimasu…_(Naruto! Good morning…)" she greeted him once she realized who she had crashed into. She blushed heavily.

"H-Hinata!" he sputtered. "Sorry! I didn't see you…"

But what did she _say_?

She looked at him blankly now. Was it possible that _she_ didn't understand him?

"Hinata? Can you… understand me?" Naruto asked a bit fervently.

Neji walked up behind the two of them. Apparently the Hyuuga family needed to buy groceries this morning. His arms were full of paper bags.

She blinked at him with obvious confusion before she turned around and talked rapidly to Neji. "_Neji-nii-sama! Asoko o mite kudasai! Naruto-kun wa eigo o hanashimasu! _(Big Brother Neji! Please look over there! Naruto is speaking in English!)" her voice dropped until she was only whispering to Neji.

"_Soo desu ka?_ (Is that so?)" the older boy asked her with his eyebrows raised.

"_Hai! __Honto ni desu yo…_(Yes! It is really so!)" she answered. The girl glanced back over to Naruto worriedly.

Naruto didn't wait to listen to the rest of the conversation. This was really freaking him out now. What was wrong with the world today?

He backed away from the two and ran away.

"_Eeh, Naruto! Chotto matte, baka!_ (Eeh, Naruto! Wait, idiot!)" he heard Neji's fading voice beckon him. He paid no heed.

If Sakura and Kakashi weren'toptions to go to then there _had_ to be someone else to find! He had to seek comfort somewhere or at least know what was happening! Naruto wracked his brain for someone.

Of course! That's it!

There was only one person that Naruto could think of in such a short amount of time.

Maybe if he hurried he could find him…

He propelled himself with a bit more chakra. There were a few startled voices as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, undoubtedly scaring a few occupants inside their houses.

While he was running along the rooftops, he thought that he vaguely heard someone call out to him… He remembered that it sounded like Shikamaru. And if he recalled correctly, it sounded something like, "_¡__Naruto! ¿Adónde vas? Sasuke es_... (Naruto! Where are you going? Sasuke is…)"

But he paid no attention. There were more pressing matters to attend to.

His sharp eyes glanced at the filled streets of Konoha. Oh, if only he had some ridiculously bright hair so it would make Naruto's job much easier to find him… Then again, Naruto thought, perhaps his ridiculous hairstyle might stand out… Or should he be looking for his fanclub?

His thoughts were cut short when the blond suddenly found who he was looking for.

With a bit too much haste he leapt off the building's roof and ran towards the figure in question. His momentum was a bit too much and Naruto roughly crashed into the boy. They nearly fell onto the floor.

Someone cursed. Naruto couldn't tell if it was he or Sasuke who had.

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed, abruptly grabbing hold of said Uchiha's shoulders and shaking him.

"Naruto!" Sasuke's angry face suddenly went blank and was replaced with one of rare shock. He shifted some things around his arms and slapped Naruto in the face a few times to make him stop shaking his shoulders.

"Ow, ow! Hey, that hurts, you jerk!" he let go and stepped back. He remembered why he was so frantically looking for Sasuke and went into full panic mode again.

"Sasu—" he began.

"Naru—" Sasuke spoke at the same time.

For a few seconds they stood there in awkward silence.

Naruto glanced down at what Sasuke was holding onto. A suspiciously familiar bouquet of flowers and a wrapped box. He had a feeling that he had seen those two objects before earlier in the morning.

"Those—" he started again, only to be cut off by Sasuke's swift speech.

In French.

"_Ecoute, Naruto, ne dis rien, d'accord? Contente-toi… d'écouter. Ca fait un moment que je te cherche, mais ce n'est plus la peine… __C'est que— Oh, prends-les et c'est tout!_ (Look, Naruto, don't say anything, okay? Just… listen. I've been trying to find you for a while, but there's no need for that anymore… It's just—Oh, just take them)" he said in a strangely un-Sasuke-like voice.

It was almost as if he was… embarrassed? Certainly, he _looked_ the part since he was all flustered. He thrust the flowers and box at a still-stunned Naruto. **"**_Je veux seulement te dire que... Je t'aime... _(I just want to tell you that… I like you…)" he huffed and looked away from the blond hastily, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

The blond stood there with his arms full of gifts and his mouth hanging open.

He had. No idea. What Sasuke. Just said.

He dropped the flowers and the box with a soft 'plufth' onto the floor.

"You're—all insane!" he yelled at Sasuke, pointing accusingly at the Uchiha.

Sasuke looked taken aback. "Naruto—"

"Auugh!" he screamed and ran away to hide from foreign languages which seemed to plague Konoha that fateful, perfect morning.

It was then that Uchiha Sasuke's heart and pride was broken.

He decided the next day that he would much rather join a snaky pedophile to "gain power" than to live in shame of rejection and emptiness without his... true love.


End file.
